Long time.....

ok. so my earlier post was in February. It's not like anybody is waiting to read my blog. Infact, I cannot think of even a single person who would read what I am writing now. ofcourse me not informing anybody that I have a blog might be one of the reasons....:) I like it this way. This way, I can publicly express myself, without worrying about what people I care think. works fine for me.

So let me tell u(nobody) about my day....

Today is one of those days when I cannot get my mind out of the past, meaning school and college days. I had very strong dream about my college days last night and it just stuck with me. Now all I am thinking about is just how much fun and easy life was at that time. Remembering the funny stuff my friends told me and everything I did, some during school and some in college. I am really trying hard to focus on my work in office, trying to listen to music, browse and anything I do eventually takes me back to that dream and essentially my college/school days. and the worse part of it is, now that I am thinking, I am not even clear on the dream. why is this happening? Have I become that old that I have think about all the fun I had more than 10 years back? am I not having fun any more? I mean I cannot compare those days with now. I have more responsibility now. I am more mature.

Ok work interrupts me...good..good...now I can concentrate on that instead of thinking about the dream.....

5 mins later and the work issue is resolved..now back to blogging my thoughts.

Now what do I do to clear the stupid dream out of my head. do dreams actually mean something or are they just a reflection of what we did the previous day? Some days I watch a horror movie in the morning, then go about the rest of the day with usual stuff(although still thinking about the movie) and then that night I get a horrified dream about ghosts. and the next day goes by thinking about the scary dream. So now I am thinking what did I do yesterday that made me dream about my college days? I didnot send or receive any emails from my friends, didnot talk to them either. didnot watch any movies that were released during that time, nope nothing. Now I am frustated. why the heck am I thinking about those days? Then tracing back to what is on the back of mind, i get it. Me trying to think about my college and school days, dreaming about it, obsessing over it, replaying the same conversations and incidents again and again in my head, is all the result of me trying to avoid something very important and real. I have to take a very important decision in my life and no one else can do it for me. And it has to be done quickly. I am doing my best to avoid thinking about that. All the other things I do(cooking , cleaning, reading, etc) doesn't seem to be efffective enough to change my thoughts. What is it I can do to make sure I do not think about the important decision I need to take? ofcourse, think about my younger days. it has so much strength that I can sway myself away from thinking about anything. I can think about how I cut class in school to go see Hum aapke hain kaun and drooling over salman and madhuri dixit and forget about everything happening around me right now. How powerful is that memory! may be I should ask why is that memory so powerful? It was just a movie with one of my girlfriends in school, with whom I don't have any contacts any more and after the movie, i went home in a bus. Nothing interesting about that! but still, it is good enough to make me forget about eveything else. I guess it is because of how simple it was. it was also easy. Just a breezy movie with a friend and going home for a nap. Simple. Nothing more to think about. Simplicity is that power!

well now that I have poured all the nonsense in my mind into words I hope to get the courage to bring the real dilema back into the front seat and take a decision. I will. I have to.